The safety of objects – A. M. Homes

The safety of objects (La seguridad de los objetos, Penguin Books, 2013) es el primer libro de cuentos de ficción realista de Amy Michael Homes (escritora estadounidense, 1961), y fue publicado por primera vez en 1990. Reune 10 relatos e incluye las primeras 21 páginas de su novela May We Be Forgiven, con la que ganó el Women's prize for fiction en 2013 y cuya primera linea es: “Do you want my recipe for disaster?”. Por supuesto, debo conseguirla pronto.

Los 10 relatos que conforman el libro muestran a personajes de familias típicas norteamericanas enfrentados a situaciones poco usuales, pero creadas por ellos mismos, que los extraen de sus contextos habituales y que modifican su percepción de sí mismos y de los demás, llegando a extremos conmovedores y, en ocasiones, terribles.

“Lookin for Johnny” es uno de los relatos más escalofriantes, pues describe el secuestro sin violencia de un niño por parte de un joven, y a pesar de que no hay connotaciones sexuales en toda la historia, hay cierta tensión constante por saber exactamente cuál es el motivo del rapto consensuado.

En “Yours Truly”, una niña narra las razones por las que está encerrada en el armario escribiendo, donde el sentimiento de no pertenecer a su realidad y la aversión encubierta por su madre y sus amigas fluyen a través de las palabras, palabras a través de las cuales logra encontrarse a sí misma y comprenderse, aceptarse a pesar de sus singularidades y permitirse sentir un amor propio muy recóndito y persistente.

“Esther in the Night” es uno de los relatos emocionalmente más fuertes. Describe cómo una madre afronta el accidente casi mortal de uno de sus hijos, cómo las vidas de los integrantes de su familia se han transformado a partir de ese fuerte episodio adoptando actitudes de desprecio y hostilidad que esconden el dolor por no poder cambiar la situación, por ser meros espectadores de un siniestro acto en el que no se sabe si la vida es realmente algo digno.

“The I of It” es un cuento circular que describe cómo un joven llega a una situación que ya no puede controlar y que implica una vida sexual poco “tradicional”. Algunos encuentros y sus primeros pensamientos lo llevan de nuevo al presente, a un momento crucial en el que está en juego su vida, a enfrentar a la noche y el alféizar de una ventana que lo pueden decidir todo.

Hace dos años leí “A Real Doll” en español, pues forma parte de la antología Generación quemada (Siruela, 2005), que compré por recomendación. Este cuento me abrió las puertas al mundo de Homes y quedé fascinada, pues tiene una destreza increíble para describir, desde la perspectiva de un puberto, lo que puede significar el pequeño cuerpo desnudo de una mujer de plástico y sus primeras fantasías y diálogos imaginarios con el otro sexo.

En 2001 fue llevado al cine por la directora Rose Troche con el mismo título, quien escribió el guión junto con Homes, en el que incluyeron una serie de acertados vasos comunicantes que vinculan a los personajes de todas las historias de formas imprevistas.

Este libro lo pueden conseguir en El Péndulo, donde tienen otro dos libros de la autora. 

Noté, durante la larga transcripción, que este libro estaba plagado de frases contundentes que han llegado en el momento preciso a mi vida, lo que volvió mucho más significativa la lectura. Parecería que “Yours Truly” y “The I of It” están transcritos por completo, pero me resultó imposible no hacerlo.

 Aquí los señuelos que soltó Homes para atraer presas a The safety of objects:

Adults alone

“They want to be alone with each other, and alone with themselves.” p. 20

Looking for Johnny

“He talked like it was something he had to practice in order to get it right.” p. 25

“…sometimes you can’t tell the difference between a real crazy and a regular person.” Ibídem

“I thought about how I couldn’t to be grown up, to have my own private TV, to be alone always.” p. 30

“Don’t let him think he’s caught. If he thinks he can get away he’ll try and wait you out. But if you let him know he’s caught, he’ll fight like hell.” p. 37

Chunky in Heat

“…she has to do it again, this time more slowly, this time for an audience.” p. 50

“All she’s thinking about is people watching and she’s not fat or thin, she’s sex, pure sex, and as they’re watching her she thinks they’re probably doing it too and she likes that.” p. 50-51

Jim Train

“I made you and I can break you, anytime I want. Something to keep in mind, buddy boy” p. 58

“He walks quickly, sure that he will die before he reaches home.” p. 75

“…the boy groans in a voice that is as twisted as his body.” p. 76

The Bullet Catcher

“They were pathetic, doughy, offering themselves up for human consumption like some ritualistic sacrifice.” p. 95

“The earth and the sky were the same deep shade of blue.” p. 97

Yours Truly

“… the world, disguised as daylight…” p. 101

“She won’t know that having someone look directly at me, having someone expect me to look at her, causes a sharp pain that begins in my eyes, ricochets off my skull, and in the end makes my entire skeleton shake. She won’t know that I can’t look at anything except the towels without being overcome with emotion. She won’t know that at the sight of another person I weep, I wish to embrace and be embraced, and then to kill. She won’t get that I’m dangerous.” p. 102

“If I put a foot out there too early, everything will be lost.” Ibídem

“I’m hiding in the closet with my life suspended. I’m hiding and I’m scared to death. I want to come clean, to see myself clearly, in detail, like hallucination, a deathbed vision, a Kodacolor photograph. I need to know if I’m alive or dead.” p. 104

“I’m hiding in the linen closet and I want to introduce myself to myself. I need to like what I see. If I am really as horrible as I feel, I will spontaneously combust, leaving a small heap of ashes that can be picked up with the DustBuster. I will explode myself in a flash or fire, leaving a letter of most profuse apology.” Ibídem

 “I’m writing it down because I can’t simply go out there and stand at the edge…” p. 104

“’It has nothing to do with you’, I’ll have to say. ‘It’s me, It’s me, all mine. There is no blame’.” p. 105

“I’m trying to find some piece of myself that is truly me, a part that I would be willing to wear like a jewel around my neck.” p. 106

“I’m looking at myself and slowly I’m falling in love.” p. 107

Esther in the Night

“I tell them what they already know but still want to hear.” p. 114

“She was gentle because she hated him.”  p. 116

“…what you smell –a sweet, heavy odor, with lingering bitterness,  a sharp cleanser-like aftertaste– is the perfume of the living dead. Breathe with mouth open.” p. 117

The I of it

"I had no desire to be beautiful or good. Somehow, I suspect  because it did not come naturally, I longed to be bad. I wanted to misbehave, to prove to myself that I could stand the sudden loss of my family’s affection. I wanted to do terrible, horrible things and then be excused…” p. 142

“I had the secret desire to frighten others.” Ibídem

“As I grew older, I taught myself to enjoy what was frightening.” p. 143

“They wanted to ruin me as a kind of revenge. It was part of my image to look unavailable, but the truth was anyone could have me.” Ibídem

“To be treasured by those who weren’t related, to whom I meant nothing, was the highest form of a compliment.” Ibídem

 “I am sickened by myself, and yet cannot stand the sensation of being so revolted. It is me, I tell myself. It is me, as though familiarity should be a comfort.” p. 144

“I feel like I should wear rubber gloves for fear of touching myself or someone else. I have never felt so dangerous. I am weeping and it frightens me.” Ibídem

“I can no longer love. I cannot possess myself as I did before. I can never again possess it, as it possessed me.” p. 145

“We no longer have anything in common except profound depression and disbelief.” p. 145

A Real Doll

“We sat looking at each other, looking and talking and then not talking and looking again. It was a stop-and-start thing with both of us constantly saying the wrong thing, saying anything, and then immediately regretting having said it.” p. 149

“I was falling in love in a way that had nothing to do with love.” Ibídem

“I was forever crossing a line between the haves and the have-nots, between good guys and bad, between men and animals, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop myself.” p. 158